Rumors in the Locker Room: Lies I've Believed

This is a hard post to write. I haven't written in a while because of several different reasons: pain, confusion, holiday rush, inability to type, lies, and losing sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

In some cases Lyme presents itself in strange ways such as tremors and mental disturbances. Mental disturbances that cause you to mix up your words when you type or speak. There have been times when I can't speak at all (which is good sometimes :).

The part about "lies" may have sounded a bit strange. The voices in my head tell me not to share. They tell me that lyme is a hidden disease that doctors don't realize and others don't need to realize it either. They tell me that life is worthless. It's a low pit that I fell into after and during the holidays. I wanted to decorate, create, send cards to everyone in my life, spend time with family, see friends, and be at all the Christmas events at church. And just about every time I attempted these amazing holiday activities I would fall on my face (sometimes literally) because I just didn't have the strength to do them.

This holiday season was a prime time for Satan's lies to start looming over me like a dark storm cloud.

Curious about the Rumor

I remember several times throughout middle school, high school and sadly, in college that I'd hear rumors about something bad another girl had supposedly done. As if we had never done anything wrong in our lives!

I remember specific incidents throughout high school were I'd here a rumor and didn't believe it so I tried to mind my own business. But because I now knew that something was up there was a curiosity as to whether or not the rumor was true, especially if the person was known for having good character. I had this voice in my head asking me "do you think it's true?" "man, that would be rough for them huh?). 

God is completely perfect and completely above the best of Christians. So I cannot make a perfect analogy but just as friends had lies told about them, I often question whether or not the lies that are thrown at me are true or false. Lies such as, "you shouldn't be writing this blog post now. It won't reach anyone". Some are more subtle and actually believable if I'm not on guard and believing Truth. I've wondered if Lyme is a waste and it's just something my family and I have to just endure.  To me the part about "just enduring Lyme" is a believable conclusion in my mind. But it's actually a lie. God doesn't give us struggles to just "endure" them. 

Sometimes I physically cannot make cards, visit with friends, FB, or go out, so I don't have the energy to write posts but sometimes I don't blog because I'm believing a lie. If I am just supposed to endure this then why should I write about it? Why should I care about helping people who are suffering? I mean, hey, I'm just poppin' my supplements, having pain attacks and gettin through it. Lies break down the reason God gives us trials. Lies make God look small when the purpose of trials is to make Him look amazingly wonderful. The ruler of all things.

When Rumors Resolve and Truth is Revealed

Truth: Lyme is not a waste. Cancer is not a waste. Deaths are not a waste. This blog is not a waste. Your life isn't a waste. Sharing what you're going through is not a waste. Being honest is not a waste. Nothing is wasted in life because God has a mysterious plan that is better than anything we could ask or think!

I'm thankful for the friends and family who have encouraged me to start blogging as I'm able.
Praying that I won't be the girl in the locker room believing or wondering about the false rumor but that I'll believe with all my heart that the rumor is a lie. I don't have to wonder. I'll just know that the Light dispels all Lies.

*Robin

That Special Someone

The Kens:  

Found out a couple months ago that Joni Eareckson Tada has a husband. Thought it was kind of cool that his name is Ken as well. They've written a book that I really want to read. It's about their journey as a couple. This article, Ken and Joni, made me cry. There's a section where it talks about her Ken working full time, being exhausted, discouraged and still getting up every night to adjust Joni so she is comfortable. She has a condition that is unusual for quadriplegics that causes excruciating pain. 

What people don't see...he put my veil on me :)

What people see...

My Ken is obviously my special someone. I'm so thankful to have him. He gets up with me in the middle of the night on a regular basis to help me get comfortable or to get my cool wrap (not the chik-fila kind-ah, those are yummy) or meds. He never complains about it. He's A to the awesome!  

Our situations are on two different levels but the love of each Ken is amazing to me. That kind of love doesn't just happen. And it isn't a cake walk. And there is frustration. But because of Jesus' love they can love. 

Lyme of Late:

Lately this disease has been a heavy burden. One minute I'm in "let's do this mode" and the next I'm on the ground thinking, "there's no way I'm getting up." As all my Lyme friends know, it's up and down. I know there are other diseases like that as well. 

We've realized that babesia is my main problem right now. It's a parasite and anit-malarial drugs are the best way to kill the thing. We've tried 3 and they all send me into convulsions because the pain is so bad. The doc put me on a more gentle regimen focusing on detoxing and using a natural supplement, wormwood, to kill the babesia. The recommended dosage is 2 pills twice a day. I'm taking one pill every 3 days and still going into convulsions. Oh boy! Please pray. 

*Robin*